I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
