I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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