I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
