If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
