uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
