You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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