Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i think i have two assholes
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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