hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
