he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Houston, we have a blender
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
