Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
