Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
