I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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