i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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