DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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