O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
