Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
