i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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