I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
