pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
