I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
