lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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