so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
