Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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