Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
