I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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