Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
