As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
