it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
