Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
