Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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