pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
