you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
