I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
