It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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