we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
