I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
there was a trapeze. enough said
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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