i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
