I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
