Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
