we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
