Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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