yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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