Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
