stop calling my apartment porn island.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
