She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
