I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
