i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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