i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
