I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
