my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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