I cannot find my penis.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
