I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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