Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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