All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
