have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
