holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
