if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
