Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
