I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
