Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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