we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
