He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
