I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
