I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I am never drinking with the goths again.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
