On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
