i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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