Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
