youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
