ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
