I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
